I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
