You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize