someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
