i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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