It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
