theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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