After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
