seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
