I just made out with a guy for $7.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
false alarm, still single
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
