Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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