He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How external is "for external use only"?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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