I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
As shirtless as possible
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
