I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
