Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
