I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
