no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
