ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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