I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
