I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
