I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
