friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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