Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love having hate sex.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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