Just cropdusted the office
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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