My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
