Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
