I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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