so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm bleeding and have questions
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
