Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Randomize
