Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
