Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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