it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
