okay pat passed out under dana's car
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woke up backwards on a recliner
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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