I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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