I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
