I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
