How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
