Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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