this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
