Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
