Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Everything about him screamed your future.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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