Sponge bath it is.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
