Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
