either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
