Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
