I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
