Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
