i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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