We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
