Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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