do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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