I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ugly people sure do ruin things
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
