i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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