I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
