i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
