She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize