Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
