and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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