just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
