just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
