I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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