My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Who wears a wallet chain?!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
