just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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