well you can't waste a boner
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
