Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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