I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
