omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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