So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
