I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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