How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
