what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the condom got lost in my hair
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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