I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
