Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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