I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
