i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
