piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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